I stumbled on a note I’d saved about an article I wanted to write on “how you know your relationship is working” and of course, being a math-y nerd, there are obviously some statistics involved here! To make matters worse, I actually had the conversation with a math-y nerd ex of mine over iMessage the other day, so consider it double-nerd certified. This is my personal metric for determining whether or not I want to continue dating my human.
Here’s the bullet point form:
- When you meet someone, you get to discover them and yourself with them and given the information you gather, you choose whether or not to continue the relationship.
- If you choose to continue the relationship, you get to decide every day anew if you wish to continue it further (to the “next level”)
- Some days, for minor reasons, you won’t want to continue the relationship. Certain behaviours can annoy each other, or certain things you will discover about them or yourself will cause some doubt.
- On those days, you rely on the overwhelmingly “bigger picture” to stay in it.
First off – I am not talking about constantly evaluating and re-evaluating your partner and relationship. You’re not putting it on trial, but its important, for the sake of a happy relationship, to keep track of how much (what percent) of your relationship is happy.
Remember that scene in Sex and the City where Samantha tells one of the other girls that her gauge of whether a relationship is working depends on the amount of smiling to frowning? This is the same idea – the number of good days to bad days.
If you’re looking to achieve a relationship of 100% good days, well, good luck to you but also, this is the real world and going in with that mentality will shock you on the days when you realize your partner smells bad, or does something annoying, or stupid.
I like 90% good days. In math terms, that means that of the 365 days a year I interact with my partner, I am comfortable with 36.5 days of being driven crazy.That’s 3 days a month of not liking my human. I can live with that. More than that, I start to wonder if it is worth taking the relationship to the “next level” or continuing it. (By the way, if you think this is too logical of a way to calculate this, think of even your best friend or family — do you love being around them 100% of the time? Even with my best friend of 10 years now, who I get along with probably more than any one on this planet, we have our little spats.)
Ok – what’s your metric for gauging whether or not a relationship is working? I’m especially curious to hear from my married folks here! Just leave a comment on the article, you can even use the Facebook plugin!